


Soundtrack

by Sophtly



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cas wears glasses, Christmas Fluff, Coffee Shop, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Oral Sex, singer!dean, writer!Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 23:59:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2045166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sophtly/pseuds/Sophtly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel doesn't believe in love until he ends up at a coffee shop where Dean sings on Thursday nights</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soundtrack

**Author's Note:**

> Songs used in this fic are listed at the end along with other notes

The first time Castiel Novak heard Dean Winchester sing was in a coffee shop in Lawrence, Kansas. It was Thursday night, and Castiel was hunched over his notebook, writing furiously. His glasses were falling down his nose, and his hair looked as if he hadn’t bothered to comb it, it stuck up in dark brown spikes all over his head. His dirty tan trench coat was falling down around his chair and a few people who passed him even smiled at the disarray, thinking to themselves that he looked like the absent minded professor. He barely registered the hubbub around him. He was lost in his thoughts, as usual. He didn’t even hear the man introduce the singer for the evening. He didn’t come to listen to music anyway. He came to get out of his house for a couple hours, hoping the change in scenery would do something to clear the fog that seemed to have settled over his mind lately.

There was the sound of a few guitar chords and then the first words fell out of the singer’s mouth. “Mama told me, when I was young…” Castiel’s head shot up as if someone had yelled his name. That voice melted into his body. It became a part of the fiber of his being the moment he heard it. His blue eyes focused on the singer with laser-like intensity. He’d often been told that his staring was disconcerting, rude even, but he couldn’t help himself. He took in everything about the singer, noting in particular that he had eyes that were as green as sour apple candy, and full lips that curled around the words of the song like a caress. His voice was raw and perfect, sincerity dripping from every syllable. Castiel felt his body relax into his chair as though that voice was soothing the knots that seemed to have taken up permanent residence in his shoulders. Something like wonder shot through his bones, and it was startling to realize how long it had been since he had felt that.

Castiel was not an old man, but he felt older than his 28 years. He had seen much of the world, and it had only succeeded in making him more cynical, not that he had needed much nudging in that direction. At ten he had told his father that he didn’t believe in true love. At 14 he’d decided that the world was decidedly (and unjustly) geared towards the beautiful and the athletic, neither a category in which he felt he himself belonged. At 16 he’d spent his free time at boarding school hunched over his desk, reading books or working on complicated math problems. Friends were unnecessary, he’d decided. He had better use for his brain then making small talk.

And yet… here was Castiel, utterly entranced by a voice, and smitten, yes _smitten_ by a smattering of freckles running across a fine nose. The singer finished his song and there was the sort of light and unsure applause that often seems to follow coffee shop performances. “Thank you. As Gabe said, I’m Dean Winchester, born and raised right here in Lawrence.” Someone let out a little whoop, hometown pride and all that, but Castiel hardly noticed. He was falling into that deep, warm voice, he was fairly drowning in it, and his breath was becoming erratic and quite painful. “I hope you like what you hear tonight. I’ll be coming here on Thursday nights for a while, so maybe I’ll see some of you again.” Castiel needed to leave. He couldn’t be here. His carefully constructed world was falling to pieces. He gathered his things in haste. Too much haste- he knocked a book off the table and it landed with a resounding thud on the floor. He swallowed hard and looked up, straight into those green eyes. He mumbled an apology, grabbed the book and fled, feeling like his heart was about to pound out of his chest.

**

The second time Castiel Novak heard Dean Winchester sing was on the following Thursday night. Castiel told himself that he just happened to be going there on a Thursday night. It simply happened that on that particular Thursday night he felt he would work better at the coffee shop. It had nothing to do with the fact that he remembered Dean saying he would be singing there that night. Castiel knew he couldn’t fool anyone with that statement, least of all himself, but it made him feel better to say it anyway. He gathered his things and slogged the three blocks from his apartment through the late October snow and arrived at the coffee shop wet and rumpled, but pleased because he had plenty of time to find a suitable table before the music started. Not, mind you, that he was there for the music.

He settled on a table that was close to the corner where the singer would set up, but not too close. It was up against the wall, which is how he liked it. He didn’t like tables in the middle, he always felt too conspicuous, open to all sides of the room. He brought out his notebook and the large tome that had made such an unfortunate racket the last time he was there. He might as well pretend at least that he was there to work. He shoved the book under some papers. Books with titles like “Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory, a Definitive Guide” tended to make people ask questions that Castiel didn’t feel like answering. Frankly, even he wasn’t sure why he had always been so fascinated by religion. Given how ill-used it had been while he was growing up, it seemed like he should run from it, but instead he found strange comfort in it. He didn’t have long to dwell on it, however, as Dean was walking across the room, guitar in hand. Castiel tracked his every step. Dean’s legs were slightly bowed out, Castiel noticed, but it took nothing away from his easy, confident stride. Castiel thought he could happily spend a very long time just watching Dean walk across a room. His face flushed as he realized what he had just been thinking, and he quickly banished the thought to the back of his mind. This was not the kind of thing that serious writers thought about, and it was certainly not the kind of thing Castiel was accustomed to thinking about. Dean took his guitar out of the case and as he did, his eyes rose and met Castiel’s. He gave him a small nod of greeting. Castiel immediately turned back to his papers and tried to look busy. Looking at Dean was discombobulating enough, having Dean look back was more than he could bear.

So Castiel kept his head down while Dean tuned his guitar and set his mic up the way he liked it. He very studiously did not look at Dean, but he couldn’t honestly say he was getting any work done either. The page in front of him remained blank and the book unopened. “How’s everybody doing tonight?” Once again he couldn’t keep his head from snapping up at the sound of Dean’s voice. “I’m Dean Winchester and I’ll be singing for ya for a while tonight. Hope you enjoy it. Please, no rotten tomatoes if you don’t,” Dean winked at them and there was light laughter. He had thought there was nothing else Dean could do to make him feel more unsettled, but that wink did something to his insides. He almost got up and left again, but he held his seat. He couldn’t bear to leave before hearing Dean sing at least one song.

Staying for one song turned into staying for the whole set. Castiel gave up all pretense of work and simply sat, chin in his hand, and drank up every word that Dean sang. Castiel was unfamiliar with nearly all the songs, but he was used to that. He grew up with nothing but religious and classical music. He knew his musical education was woefully lacking. When he went home that night, he looked up some of the songs on the internet and came up with artists like Led Zeppelin, 10 Years, and Patty Griffin. That last one made him think about the way Dean’s face had looked when he sang the words:

Headlights staring at the driveway  
The house is dark as it can be  
I go inside and all is silent  
It seems as empty as the inside of me

Dean had looked sad, his eyes held a pain that seemed much older than his years, and Castiel had been shocked at how desperate he had felt to take that look out of Dean’s eyes. An image had flashed into his mind of taking Dean’s face in his hands and gently kissing it all over until that look melted into something different. Maybe he had gotten used to Dean making him think things that were foreign to him, because this time he had allowed himself to dwell on the picture he had painted for just a few moments before shoving it away.

**

The third time Castiel heard Dean sing, he was momentarily distracted from his study of Dean by a table full of women next to him. Dean finished a song and he heard a voice say, “Mmmm, he is just so dreamy!”

“Lisa’s got a cruuuush” sing-songed one of her friends.

“That I do!” She said emphatically. Castiel turned to look at her. She was a pretty brunette with brown eyes that shone when she looked at Dean. “Can you blame me?”

“No, I can’t. He’s gorgeous, and that voice! Yum!” another girl joined in.

Dean _was_ gorgeous, and his voice was…Castiel had no words for it, and he found himself thinking bitterly that probably some day one of these pretty girls would catch Dean’s eye and Dean would take _her_ home and kiss _her_ and put his hands all over _her_ body and…god! What was this man doing to him? He tried to deny it to himself, but there was no getting around the fact that he wanted to be the one that went home with Dean. It was all so profoundly silly, and Castiel was frustrated with himself. He was not the kind of person who sat around and mooned over pretty young men. This needed to stop, immediately.

**

The fourth time Dean Winchester sang at the coffee shop, Castiel wasn’t there to hear him. He was at home with his work spread around him on the kitchen table, but he wasn’t getting any work done. He had resolved never to see Dean sing again, but his resolve was weakening with every passing minute. He thought about what Dean would be doing right now. He wondered if Dean had worn that old leather jacket that he always wore, if he had folded it carefully over the chair nearby like he usually did while he sang. He wondered what songs Dean was singing tonight. He wondered if Lisa was there making eyes at him.

“Shit!” Castiel said into the empty apartment. “Shit, shit, shit, shit!”

**

The fourth time Castiel heard Dean sing, Dean approached him after the set and Castiel almost humiliated himself by jumping up and literally running away from him, but he managed to stay in his seat. “Hey man, I didn’t see you last week, thought maybe I scared you off,” Dean winked at him and Castiel felt his heart stutter in his chest.

“I, uh, I was busy,” Castiel muttered.

“Hey, just teasin’ ya,” Dean said with a grin. “I’ve seen you here a few times, I thought I’d come say hi. As you probably know, I’m Dean.” He held out his hand and Castiel took it.

“C-Castiel.” Not only did he stutter, but his voice came out as more of a whisper, causing his cheeks to burn with shame.

“What’s that now?” Dean asked, and he leaned down closer to hear, which wasn’t helping Castiel one bit, but he forced himself to speak.

“Castiel, Castiel Novak.”

“Well, nice to finally meet you, Castiel. Am I saying that right?” Castiel nodded, not trusting himself to speak. “May I?” He motioned toward the seat across the table. Again, Castiel nodded mutely, mentally kicking himself over his loss of words. Dean pulled out the chair and sat down. There was a second of silence as Dean let out a sigh. Castiel noticed that he looked tired. “So, what did you think of the set?” Dean asked then.

“It was good. Really good,” Castiel said sincerely.

“Yeah? I don’t play much popular stuff, and I sometimes worry that other people my age won’t get it, you know? Maybe they’d like to hear something by Taylor Swift or something.” He chuckled and smiled at him then, crinkling the skin at the corner of his eyes, and Castiel thought he had never seen anything more beautiful. He managed to give a small, tentative smile back, and Dean seemed pleased.

“I-it’s all new to me, mostly. I, um, didn’t listen to much popular music growing up, so all the old stuff is new for me. I hadn’t ever listened to Led Zeppelin until you sang ‘Ramble On’. I went home and listened to a bunch of their stuff, “he added shyly.

Dean was suddenly very animated. “Dude! How old are you?”

“Um…28?” he didn’t know where Dean was going with this.

Dean shakes his head almost sadly “28 and just now hearing Zeppelin? We have got to work on your musical education!” He launched into a long talk about his favorite artists, and Castiel listened to him talk and barely dared to breathe, afraid of breaking the spell. When he left the coffee shop an hour later, it was with a long list of bands that Dean said he _had_ to check out and a promise to return the following Thursday. He felt a little dizzy as he walked back home, breath curling out from his lips into the cold November night. It wasn’t until he stood in his kitchen with his face aching that he realized he hadn’t stopped smiling all the way home.

**

The fifth time Castiel went to hear Dean sing, he was nervous. He’d taken extra time getting ready, even spent a little time debating about what to wear, which was something he hadn’t done in years. He finally settled on a pair of jeans and a light blue sweater that his sister Anna said made “his eyes pop.” He wasn’t sure that was a good thing, but she had said it with enthusiasm, so he assumed it was. He had looked in the mirror after putting on his clothes and decided he had definitely looked worse. He didn’t bother trying much with his hair. He’d given up on that ages ago. It did whatever it wanted to do, and there was no stopping it. If Dean didn’t want him because of his hair, he probably wasn’t worth having. Of course at that thought Castiel had stopped and rolled his eyes at himself in the mirror. As if someone like Dean would ever want him anyway. He didn’t even know if Dean was into guys. He might already have a girlfriend. Or he might already have a boyfriend. Even if he was single though, he knew he’d never want Castiel. It made him scowl harder at himself in the mirror. He didn’t know if he was scowling because Dean didn’t want him, or scowling because he wanted Dean to want him. Both thoughts were equally frustrating to him.

Nevertheless, there was a little flutter of anticipation in his stomach as he entered the coffee shop. He made his way to what he now considered his “usual” table and laid out his notebook. He’d grown used to the fact that he wasn’t going to get work done with Dean around, but there was security in having it there anyway. Dean grinned and headed toward him when he came in, but was stopped in his approach by Lisa, who introduced herself and began a conversation. Castiel listened in while attempting to appear like he wasn’t listening in. He stole a few glances and saw Lisa reaching out to brush Dean’s arm a few times. Dean was charming, of course. Castiel had already begun to think that Dean was probably charming to almost everyone. He wasn’t one of those annoyingly cocky guys, but seemed aware of the affect he was capable of having on people. Castiel hadn’t decided if he liked this trait or not. There was certainly something attractive about it, but he didn’t like it at the moment, since it was Lisa that was benefitting from Dean’s smile and attentive eyes. Lisa, he overheard, was a yoga teacher, but he was more interested in the fact that Dean worked at an auto shop during the day and bartended most nights. No wonder he looked tired. Castiel wondered why a young single man would have to work so hard. Maybe he had kids? He resolved to find out later, happy in the thought that he would in fact get to talk to Dean again.

As usual, he listened intently through Dean’s set. He noticed that Dean looked extra tired tonight, and his voice was softer when he spoke, rough with exhaustion. His set seemed tinged with just a bit more sadness as well. Dean ended with a song he’d done before, one of Castiel’s favorites, “Waiting on an Angel.” Dean looked like his mind was far away as he began to sing:

Waiting on an angel  
One to carry me home  
Hope you come to see me soon  
Cause I don' t want to go alone  
I don' t want to go alone

Castiel’s breath came out in a long sigh, melted into the music, but when Dean started singing the next verse, his eyes drifted to Castiel. Dean’s eyes held Castiel’s through the first couple lines and he couldn’t swallow, couldn’t even breathe for those few moments and then Dean’s eyes shifted away and Castiel slumped back into his seat, as if he had been held up by the force of that gaze and no longer had the strength to hold himself up.  
  
Now angel won' t you come by me  
Angel hear my plea  
Take my hand lift me up  
So that I can fly with thee  
So that I can fly with thee  
  
And I'm waiting on an angel  
And I know it won' t be long  
To find myself a resting place  
In my angel's arms  
In my angel's arms  
  
Waiting on an angel  
One to carry me home  
Hope you come and see me soon  
Cause I don' t want to go alone  
I don't want to go alone  
Don' t want to go  
I don't want to go alone

Dean’s eyes came back to him a few times during the song and every time they did, Castiel gave up a little bit more. By the time the song was done he had melted completely. If you had told him that it was possible that someone could change everything they had believed their entire lives in one instant, he would have called you a fool, but once again he was proven wrong. Castiel had never had the reverence for love that other people did, and especially not romantic love. He believed in logic and rules. These were the things that made the world go ‘round. Yes suddenly he found himself believing in love more than he ever believed in anything else. One look from those eyes made him believe that love did indeed have the ability to change everything.

Dean packed up after the set and headed towards Castiel. He was afraid that Lisa was going to stop him again as she headed towards Dean, but she was thwarted by a phone call and headed back across the shop, talking on the phone in an exasperated tone. Despite the somber mood Dean had been in earlier, his face lit up with a genuine smile when he saw Castiel. Once again Castiel’s world shifted. He knew with utter certainty that he would do anything to make Dean smile. He would do anything to take the pain out of his eyes. The realization left him dizzy, but he adjusted quickly. He was done fighting with himself. It only drained his energy, energy that he could be using to make Dean happy.

Dean pulled out a chair without asking this time, and sat down. He ran a hand down his face wearily and was quiet for a few moments. “Are you okay?” Castiel asked. He turned his blue eyes full on Dean as if trying to see into his mind.

“What? Oh, yeah. Sorry man. It’s been a long week. I’m sure you don’t want to hear about it.” His green eyes shifted up to meet Castiel’s and his mouth curved up into an apologetic smile.

“Actually, I do, if you’d like to talk about it,” He said, and realized he meant it.

“Well, uh, I just feel like I’m fu- screwing up everything this week. Messed up on a car at my one job, broke a whole bunch of stuff at my other one, and things at home aren’t much better. Anyway, seriously, you don’t want to hear this.”

“You work two jobs?” Castiel asked, even though he already knew.

“Yeah, I work at Singer’s garage, up the street here a little ways? And down at the Roadhouse most of the rest of the week, nights and weekends.”

“Maybe you’re just working too hard,” he said seriously. “Lack of sleep can affect a lot of things.”

“I know. I can’t slow down though. Sammy, that’s my brother, he’s going to Stanford and even though he got scholarships and everything, it still costs a lot to get him through four years of college, you know?”

“I see.” He didn’t really though. Why was Dean paying for his brother’s way through college? Where were his parents? “But you still come here to sing on Thursday nights. That’s dedication.”

“Music has always been my thing. I love it. I didn’t play for a long time, but Gabe convinced me to come here and sing.”

“I’m glad he did,” he said fervently, before catching himself. “Who’s Gabe?”

“Oh, he’s the guy that owns this place. We’ve been friends since high school. Bit of a tool now and then, but he’s good people. Had to give up a shift at the Roadhouse to fit it in, but it’s been great getting back into it.”

“Well, you’re really good. I’ve noticed more people are coming on Thursdays. I think you’re gathering a following.”

“Really? You think so?” He seemed surprised, and a faint pink blush teased at the base of his neck.

“Absolutely. You should make a CD, I’ll bet you could sell copies here or other places.”

“Wow, uh, thanks man, but I don’t really have time to work on this stuff that hard, and it all takes money that needs to go other places right now. Maybe someday though.” His face looked wistful.

It was all Castiel could do not to reach across the table and put his hand on Dean’s and let his body say the things he struggled to say. He settled for saying “You’re going to get there. I know it.” He said it with confidence because even after only knowing him for a few short weeks, he already knew that Dean Winchester was the sort of man who could do anything he set his mind to.

Dean looked across the table at him and the gratitude that washed over his face was almost heartbreaking. “Thanks, man. I wish I had your faith.”

“You should go home, get some rest,” Castiel said quietly then. The thought crossed his mind that there was probably more intimacy in his voice then there ought to be for someone he’d only talked to once before.   He hoped that Dean hadn’t noticed.

If he did, he didn’t show it. “You’re right. I should. Will I see you next week?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

Later that night Castiel lay in his bed and thought how strange it was that everything around him looked the same when he had changed so much.

**                         

The seventh time Castiel heard Dean sing was at a private Christmas party at the coffee shop. The last Thursday after his set, Dean had introduced him to Gabe. Gabe’s real name was Gabriel, but Castiel thought he would have made a very strange angel indeed. Still, there was kindness behind his eyes, a tenderness that shown through the endless joking and teasing that seemed to be his mode of operation. He’d looked Castiel up and down and grinned at him cheekily before turning to Dean and saying “You should bring him to the party on Wednesday.”

Dean looked a little surprised, but he said “Uh yeah. That would be good. You wanna come Cas? It’ll be the staff here and me and Sammy. Basically we hang out and get tipsy and sing really bad karaoke. Sounds like fun, right?”

He nudged Castiel with his elbow and he was overwhelmed with trying to process everything. First off, Dean had called him ‘Cas.’ He’d never really had friends close enough to call him by anything but Castiel, and it felt good to hear the nickname roll so easily off Dean’s tongue. Secondly, Dean was inviting him to a party. Technically, Gabe had invited him, but still, Dean hadn’t seemed reluctant in his invitation. Then there was the last thing. Dean had touched him. It was just a small, friendly nudge, but it shot warmth through Castiel’s whole body. Before he really even registered the words, he was saying yes.

So three days before Christmas Castiel was at the coffee shop listening to Dean sing again. It was late in the evening and Jo had talked Dean into singing Silent Night. Castiel had met Jo, a sprightly blonde with a cheerful grin and an obvious crush on Dean, earlier that night. He’d also met Chuck, who worked behind the counter during the day, and Ash, who apparently did the accounting for the shop, as well as anything tech related Gabe needed done. Ash also seemed to know a surprising amount about Castiel. It was less surprising once he heard it hinted that Ash was a computer hacking genius, although Castiel was still confused as to why Ash would bother looking into his history. He wondered just how much he knew, and who he had told. It made him a little uncomfortable, but even though Ash had a mullet and seemed to be stuck in the 80’s, he didn’t seem malicious. Castiel decided that if anyone had to know everything about him, he’d rather it be Ash than anyone else.

Of course, he had also met Sam. It felt like a privilege. He’d gathered already that Dean didn’t let a lot of people into his inner circle, so getting to meet his brother seemed like a milestone in their friendship. Sam was a giant of a man, but he had a bounce in his step and an eager twinkle in his eye that made Castiel immediately think of a friendly puppy. Where Dean was closed off and cautious, Sam was open and carefree. Castiel wondered how two brothers could be so different, but he could see that they had a strong bond. Dean’s love for his brother shone like a light. It radiated out from him and wrapped Sam in a warm blanket of security, and Castiel knew then that all that Dean sacrificed didn’t seem like a sacrifice to him because it meant his brother got to be happy. Castiel was breathless in the presence of such devotion.

Most of the evening was loud with laughter and teasing. The booze flowed freely and the karaoke was indeed bad. Then Jo convinced Dean to sing and they were all suddenly quiet and reflective, listening to the song. There was something about “Silent Night” that always haunted Castiel. It was his favorite Christmas carol, and yet it made him sad. It made him long for family and a proper tree and laughter and love. Even when he had long ago given up on those things, it made his heart tighten with desire. He realized that tonight was the closest he’d ever had to that dream, and it both warmed a terrified him. It was nice, being there, but it made the fact that he’d be spending Christmas day alone in his apartment seem all the more bleak.

Too soon everyone was bundling up to head back out into the cold night. Castiel felt a shiver go through him that was not just the cold. “Hey Cas,” Dean asked, “What are you doing for Christmas? You have family nearby?”

“No. I have a sister but she’s in London. I’ll be on my own this year, like usual.” He tried to sound like it didn’t bother him. After all, he’d been alone almost every year of his adult life. There had been a time or two when Anna had been in the country and chose to spend the time with him. He’d liked that, having someone there, but he’d gotten used to being alone.

“What? No way man, you can’t spend Christmas alone! Hey Sammy, you’re cool with Cas coming for Christmas right?” Dean called out to his brother. Cas was too shocked to interject.

“Sure! If you can stomach spending a whole day with Dean, you’re more than welcome to come,” Sam said with a grin.

“Bitch,” Dean shot at him.

“Jerk” Sam shot back. It took Castiel a moment to register that it was just something they did, between brothers, that it was affectionate and they weren’t angry. Also, his head was still spinning at the realization that Dean had just invited him to spend Christmas with them.

“Great, it’s settled then,” Dean said. “You’re coming for Christmas.” Castiel was too stunned to speak, and Dean grabbed a pen from off the counter and took his hand, writing the address to their apartment on his palm. Castiel felt his face getting hot at Dean’s touch, and he had thought for a moment that Sam was looking at them with interest, but he turned away shortly to talk to Jo. “So, uh, be there around 1:00 for lunch?” Dean suddenly seemed a little shy, but looked relieved when Castiel just nodded and gave him a small smile.

Castiel stumbled home in a daze, hardly aware of the cold. It seemed like he could still feel the heat from Dean’s hand holding his own.

**

Castiel woke up on Christmas morning with a feeling of anticipation that he hadn’t felt since he was a young boy. He glanced over at his clock which confirmed what he had thought it would- it was still early. He flopped back against his pillow, arm thrown over his head, and let his thoughts drift. It soon became apparent that he wasn’t able to think of much more than Dean. He let his mind go as he pictured Dean’s face, green eyes staring back at him. And those lips! Castiel let out a little sigh and bit his bottom lip. It was impossible to deny how much he wanted to know what those lips would feel like against his own. It was hard not to think about what those lips would feel like _everywhere_. Before he could catch himself, Castiel found his other hand trailing down over his bare chest, imagining what it would feel like to have Dean touch him. Another small moan escaped his lips as his hand trailed lower. It wasn’t until a certain part of him snapped to attention that Castiel shifted out of his daydream with a start.

“Oh god!” he groaned to himself, covering his face with his hands. No, just… no. He couldn’t jerk off thinking about Dean, especially not when he was about to go spend Christmas with him and his brother. It was going to be awkward enough without having to replay that through his mind all day. He forced himself out of bed and went and took a cold shower, feeling at least a bit more settled as he sat down to eat a bowl of cereal.

He still had a few hours before he was due at Dean’s house, so he worked on his writing for a while before remembering that a small package had arrived from London a few days ago. “Do not open until Christmas!” was written across the side in Anna’s pretty script. He cut the tape carefully and pulled the box open. Inside was a note:

Dearest Castiel, I’m sorry I can’t be there for Christmas this year. I hope you have found some friends to spend the holidays with, or maybe even a special someone? (A girl can hope!) Life here is great, but I miss you. Don’t forget your big sis, Anna

P.S. This scarf is going to look amazing with your eyes, so wear it! You can thank me for the boost to your love-life later ;) XO

Castiel huffed out a little laugh. Anna was always worrying about him. She thought he spent too much time alone, and she was probably right. Except that now, Castiel realized, he actually did have plans to spend Christmas with someone. He reached into the small box and pulled out a scarf. It was incredibly soft (cashmere no doubt, knowing Anna’s tastes) and a vibrant blue. Castiel thought about Anna’s note and smiled as he realized he knew exactly what he was going to wear today. “Let’s see if you can work your magic,” he blushed when he realized he was talking to a scarf, but went to his closet to get the rest of his outfit together and smiled anyway.

Cas gave himself a once-over in the hallway mirror before walking through the door. He was wearing dark wash jeans, a charcoal gray sweater and the blue scarf. He wasn’t sure if the affect was exactly magical, but it wasn’t too bad either, so it would have to be good enough. He eschewed his usual trench coat for his black wool one, since he’d be walking a few blocks to Dean’s apartment. The blue scarf peeked through where he left the top few buttons undone. He ran his fingers over it and smiled again. Caring about what he looked like was still a little disorienting, but he decided the warm feeling in his stomach was worth it and held his head high as he walked through the door and into the cold.

**

The walk to Dean’s apartment didn’t take long. Castiel was a fast walker anyway, and the cold pushed him along even faster. Still, he hesitated for a moment outside the door before getting up the courage to knock. The door was pulled open after a moment. “Merry Christmas, Cas!” Dean said cheerfully. Then he sort of swung to a halt, hand still holding the doorknob. “You uh…you look…” Castiel looked down at himself. Had he done something wrong? Was there trash hanging onto his shoe? What? “I like your scarf,” Dean finally blurted. He seemed to be about to say something when he stepped back, tripping over the shoes by the door and slamming ungracefully against the wall.

“You all right there bro?” Sam came around the corner just in time to see Dean stumble.

“Yeah. I’m fine just uh…” Dean waved his hand uselessly and scurried into the kitchen.

“What got into him?” Sam wondered, brow furrowed. “Come in Cas! Merry Christmas! Dean might not be very good host, but he’s a hell of a cook. You’re in for a treat.”

The house smelled amazing. Castiel wasn’t much of a cook, so warm home cooked meals were a rare treat. His stomach was rumbling already. The kitchen was small, and every bit of space held some sort of food. Castiel could see stuffing, dinner rolls, corn, and sweet potatoes, along with the ham that Dean was carving, the tip of his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth as he concentrated on his precise cuts. Castiel felt that he should be used to being blindsided by unusual feelings when he was around Dean, but he was still shocked by how, well, _adorable_ he found Dean right now. He couldn’t stop the giant smile that broke out on his face. Then he realized Sam was looking at him and then at Dean with a little smile on his face. He blushed and forced himself to snap out of it. “Anything I can do to help?”

“Nope,” Dean said. “All we gotta’ do is load all this food onto the table and dig in!” There was still something in his eyes that Castiel couldn’t quite interpret when he turned to look at him, but he seemed to be getting back to his old self. Realizing he was still wearing his coat, Castiel stepped over to hang it up by the door. He almost pulled off the scarf too, after all, it was plenty warm in the small apartment, but he decided to leave it on. A small part of him thought that maybe, just maybe, the scarf was having the desired effect. A larger part of him told him not to be silly, but he couldn’t bring himself to take it off, so he just left it hanging loosely and went to join the brothers at the table.

They all took turns loading up their plates and settled down happily to eat. Castiel carefully loaded his fork with some ham, mashed potatoes, and corn all dipped in ham gravy. Anna used to always make fun of him for his insistence on having “the perfect bite” but he didn’t care. Food was something to be savored to the utmost, in his opinion. She also made fun of him for his sometimes noisy appreciation of food, but that wasn’t something he meant to do here. Well, so much for good intentions because when that perfect bite hit his tongue he couldn’t help himself. It had just been so long since he had eaten anything truly remarkable and somehow the breathless sigh of bliss he meant to give came out more as a positively pornographic moan. Sam snorted and Castiel blushed, but when he looked up Dean was sitting silently biting down firmly on his bottom lip and this time the look in his eyes wasn’t hard to interpret. Castiel breathed in a sharp breath. So apparently Dean was into guys. Dean might even be into _him_. He made himself pull his eyes away from Dean. “Uh…sorry about that, guys. This is just amazing, Dean.” He said it almost reverently and Dean looked proud and embarrassed at the same time.

“It really is outstanding, Dean, “ Sam chimed in “You’ll make someone a fine wife someday.”

“Shut up Sammy!” Dean smacked him on the arm, causing Sam to let out a yelp of pain. The awkward moment was broken and the rest of the dinner went smoothly, although Castiel did find himself having to smother some more moans. Once in a while he glanced up to see Dean watching him although he would always glance back down or direct a comment to Sam whenever he realized Castiel was looking back at him. It made Castiel’s whole body thrum with warmth, even as he firmly tried to squash his hopes down.

After dinner Sam got a call from his girlfriend and went to his room to talk while Dean and Cas worked on cleaning up the kitchen. They didn’t say much, but it felt comfortable. Dean cranked AC/DC and sang along, hips occasionally swaying to the music, which Castiel found highly distracting. Sometimes they brushed against each other in the small kitchen. He felt the touches through his body like an electrical current. The kitchen was shining again when Cas found himself trapped in a corner by Dean. He didn’t know how they had gotten here, bodies mere inches apart, Dean looking down into his eyes, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as he swallowed hard. “Um, Cas?” Dean said softly.

“Yes, Dean?”

“I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too, Dean.”

“I like the way you say my name.”

“You do?”

“Yeah.”

“Dean.” They were even closer now, he could feel the heat radiating off Dean’s body and into his own. His breath caught in his throat.

“Do I have good timing or wha-“ Sam came bouncing into the kitchen and screeched to a halt.

Dean jerked back and glared. “Dude” he ground out, “You have _terrible_ timing. You have the worst timing of anyone in the history of bad timing.”

“Uh, yeah. Sorry guys. I was just excited about missing out on the whole cleaning thing I didn’t realize…uh…yeah, anyways.” He stood there awkwardly, unsure of whether to stay or go.

“Whatever, man. “ Dean was smiling now though, “Let’s go play X-Box. C’mon Cas. We can kick Sam’s butt.”

“I don’t think you want me on your team, Dean. I’m not very good at video games.”

“You can’t be that bad, and I’m awesome, so we’ve still got a good chance,” Dean said with a wink. Sam rolled his eyes and led the way into the living room.

After a round Dean turned to Castiel and sadly shook his head. “Cas man, you said you weren’t very good at video games. You lied.”

“What do you mean? We just lost abysmally and it’s all my fault.”

“Exactly. You said you weren’t very good at video games. You should have said you are awful at video games. Rarely have I seen such a hideous display.” Castiel stared at him for a moment, noticing the smirk on his face and the teasing glint in his eyes. He just looked at Dean and flashed his middle finger at him. Sam and Dean both laughed. “Aw Cas, I knew you had some sass in there somewhere, “Dean said, clapping him on the back.

They ended up watching a movie and then Dean insisted on having Cas listen to some of his old records. “We have to keep up your musical education,” Dean reminded him. So they ended up on the floor of the living room, side by side on their stomachs, surrounded by records with the strains of the music filling them up. Castiel loved when Dean hummed along under his breath. He liked when they argued quietly over which songs or bands were best. He really liked the way every time Dean got up to put on a record, he slid a little closer to Castiel when he laid back down until their sides were actually touching. He didn’t notice when Sam got up and went to his room. He realized he didn’t want to leave. Not tonight, possibly not ever. It made his heart clench uncomfortably.

Finally he knew he had to leave. Even though Dean didn’t seem in a hurry to get rid of him, he’d stayed far past when he should have. “I should go.”

“Okay. You gonna’ be okay getting home? It’s freezing out there.”

“I’m a grown man, Dean, and it’s only a few blocks. I’ll be fine. “ He forced himself up off the floor, away from Dean’s warm side and moved to the doorway, buttoning on his coat and slipping on his shoes. They stood awkwardly in the doorway. “So, this was great. Really great, Dean. Thank you so much for inviting me.”

“I’m glad you came. It’s nice to have someone in the house besides just me and Sam for once.” Dean looked into his eyes for a long minute. Castiel willed him to lean forward and kiss him. _Please_ , he begged internally, _please kiss me_. But Dean just ran his fingers up through his own hair, let out a huff of air and opened the door. “Goodnight, Cas.” Castiel stepped out the door, trying not to let disappointment get the better of him. Was it possible he had somehow misread all of this? He wasn’t that good with people. Maybe Dean was this way with everyone. Oh well. This was still the best Christmas he’d had in a very long time. He wasn’t going to let the fact that Dean didn’t kiss him ruin it for him.

He made it to the bottom of the stairs outside the apartment when he heard a door close behind him and footsteps hurrying down the stairs. “Hey Cas, wait up!” Dean skidded to a stop in front of him. He was bundled in his leather jacket, breath coming out in clouds around him. “Cas I…I really want to kiss you. May I kiss you, please?”

Castiel could only nod dumbly. Dean licked his lips, pulling his bottom lip through his teeth. He reached forward and carefully took Castiel’s glasses off his face. He took the hand with the glasses in it and set it gently against the back of Castiel’s neck, then he used the other to grasp bright blue scarf, pulling him forward until their lips met. It was a soft kiss, gentler than anything Castiel had ever experienced, but it was warm and wet and it felt so good. He couldn’t stop the little moan that escaped.

“God, Cas, those noises you make” Dean shook his head “You’re going to be the death of me.” Castiel smiled shyly up at him. Dean stroked his hand down the scarf carefully. “Have I mentioned how much I love this scarf on you?”

“I did notice that you seem rather fond of it.”

“Yes, ‘rather fond’ indeed.”

“Are you making fun of me?”

“Only a little bit.”

“Are you going to kiss me again or should I go home?”

Oh I’m definitely going to kiss you again.” Dean backed him up against the brick wall behind them. He still carefully cradled the glasses in one hand, but he used the other to cup Castiel’s cheek while he kissed him again. This time his tongue slid along Castiel’s bottom lip and he let him in, their tongues sliding against each other, exploring carefully and then less carefully, leaving them both breathless. “I could kiss you for days,” Dean told him, “But you’re going to freeze to death out here and it’s late.”

Castiel just nodded, unwilling to say anything. Unwilling to do anything but look into Dean’s eyes like it was the last time he was going to get to do it. Dean rubbed his thumb across Castiel’s cheekbone and kissed him again, smiled down at him with shining eyes. “Merry Christmas, Cas.”

“Merry Christmas, Dean.”

He didn’t feel the cold on his way home.

**

_You’re coming on Thursday, right?_ It was the first time Dean had texted him, and Castiel found himself smiling over the simple question.

**Yes. Wouldn’t miss it.** He shot back.

_Good_ J

Thursday seemed a long way away.

**

_There’s a bachelorette party at the Roadhouse tonight_

**That’s nice**

_No. It’s not nice._

**Why not?**

_Because the ladies just can’t keep their hands off of all of this ;)_

**Ah. You can’t really blame them for trying.**

_Yes I can. Can you come down here and look all hot and intimidating?_

**I’m not sure I’m capable of either of those things**

_I promise you you’re both without trying. I almost couldn’t get through my set last night._

**What did I do?**

_Nothing that you don’t always do._

**Which is?**

_Sit at your table and look incredibly hot and distracting. & now it’s even worse_

**Why?**

_Because I know just how distracting you can be._

**Oh.**

_Oh, he says. Like the way he licks his lips every time I look his way doesn’t remind me of how he had his tongue half way down my throat the last time I saw him._

**It’s physically impossible for me to get my tongue half way down your throat, Dean**

_Well you sure were trying_

**And I was the only one?**

_Fair point. Still your fault though. Those lips should be illegal._

**Dean, I’ve been thinking about your lips since the day I met you.**

Oh really?

**Yes. Really. It’s very inappropriate for you to be walking around with them where everyone can see them.**

_And what sort of things have you been thinking about my lips?_

**I don’t think I should answer that.**

_Why not?_

**Because it would cross over into what I think you call… sexting?**

_oh._

**Indeed.**

**

The coffee shop was getting fuller and fuller on Thursday nights. Castiel had to get there a bit earlier each time to get his favorite table. Dean refused to believe it had anything to do with his music, but Castiel overheard enough conversations to know that at least most of the crowd was indeed there to hear Dean. Now that Dean was his (Castiel blushed at the possessive thought), he felt an extra glow of warmth every time he over-heard a compliment to Dean’s music. He wanted to jump up and say “That’s my boyfriend!” He stopped at that thought though. Was Dean his boyfriend? They hadn’t talked about it. What if they weren’t exclusive in Dean’s mind? They talked on the phone and texted constantly. Castiel spent almost every Saturday with Dean and with Sam when he was home. Castiel never even had a thought for anyone else, but maybe Dean was different.

The thought sent Castiel into a tailspin of worry. He never trusted his instincts on these things. He’d been burned too many times in the past. Social situations were always awkward for him. He didn’t have the natural ease with people that Anna did. He was so deeply burrowed in thought that for the first time, he wasn’t able to focus on Dean’s singing, his thoughts keeping him trapped, eyebrows knitting together in a concentrated frown. He startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Dean.

“I’m taking a little break. Come out back with me?”

“Yeah… Yes, of course.” Castiel allowed Dean to lead him outside to a little corner at the back of the building. It was uncharacteristically warm for a March night, although there was still a chill in the air. Dean looked at Castiel for a long minute before he pressed his lips softly against his own.

“What’s the matter, Cas?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me. You’ve been over at your table looking like a storm cloud all night. You gotta’ tell me what’s going on. Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?”

“No! You didn’t do anything!” It sounded desperate. The last thing he wanted was to make Dean think he was in the wrong somehow. Dean had enough things to stress over.

“Okay, okay. Calm down, Cas. Just tell what’s going through that gorgeous head of yours.”

“I feel silly.”

“I promise not to make fun of you.” Dean’s face had a little frown and he was absentmindedly tracing his fingers across Castiel’s collar bone. “Please tell me.”

“I was just-are we-do you-“ Castiel let out a frustrated sigh. Dean just looked at him expectantly until he finally blurted out, “Are you my boyfriend? I mean, are you seeing other people too? If you are, that’s okay. If that’s what you want. It’s not what I want, but if it’s what you want that’s okay I just didn’t know what you were thinking and I…”

Dean mercifully stopped him mid-ramble, his mouth quirking up into a little grin. “Cas, are you asking me if I want to go steady?”

“You-you promised not to make fun of me!” Castiel was blushing furiously and he gave a half-hearted push at Dean’s chest.

“I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean said, but his eyes were still twinkling. “Yes,” he leaned forward and kissed Cas again. “Yes, I’m your boyfriend, you’re my boyfriend. We’re a couple. You can put it on facebook.” He pulled Castiel closer and kissed him in earnest. “I’m sorry if I didn’t make it clear that you are the hottest, smartest, most awesome person I know and I’d be an idiot to look at anyone else.” He punctuated his words with kisses and little nips at Castiel’s jaw and earlobe until Castiel was squirming against him, breathless. “I gotta get back in there.” Dean said eventually, pulling away reluctantly.

“No fair.” Castiel whined.

Dean just grinned at him. “See ya in there…boyfriend.” He flashed another smile and a wink at Castiel before walking away with a little extra swing in his hips. Castiel leaned up against the building and tried to find his breath again. It seemed like Dean Winchester had been leaving him breathless ever since he laid eyes on him, but he figured he could do with the lack of oxygen. Dean was worth it.

**

**I love your freckles. I want to count every single one.**

_Ok. But you know Cas, I have freckles everywhere. And I do mean everywhere._

Castiel paused for a moment. He and Dean hadn’t gone very far yet. Sure there were the heavy make-out sessions and the subtle grinding that made them both end up going home to take longer than necessary showers, but that was it. He felt like he was about to cross a line and he wasn’t sure he should. But Dean didn’t seem against it, and Castiel was tired of playing it safe.

**Maybe I’ll count them with my tongue**

_Cas, are you sexting me?_

**Consider it a boyfriend privilege**

_Hmm. I’m digging this whole boyfriend thing. What are you wearing? ;)_

**I don’t think what I’m wearing would turn you on**

_You’re right. I’m definitely more interested in what you’re NOT wearing._

**I’m wearing everything a grown man should be wearing**

_Dammit Cas. Have you never heard of going commando?_

**I’ve heard of it. I’m just not doing it.**

_Pity. Do you wanna know what I’m wearing?_

**Yes please**

_Sweat pants. That’s it._

**That’s it?!**

_That’s it Cas. Just think on that a while._

_See you tonight!_

**Sometimes I hate you.**

_Nah you don’t._

**

The coffee shop filled up quickly that night. Castiel found himself near a table of giggling girls and realized that one of them was Lisa. “C’mon! Just ask him if he’ll do it. It can’t hurt. I’ll bet he knows it.” The girl was talking to Lisa who was staring at Dean as he set up.

“I don’t know,” Lisa said, “What if he thinks I’m stupid?”

“You are stupid. Stupid hung up on him.”

“Okay. Fine. I’ll do it.” Lisa walked up to where Dean was and they chatted for a bit. It seemed that Lisa was asking Dean to sing a certain song and it looked like he had agreed to. Castiel almost felt sorry for Lisa. Almost.

Dean’s set went well that night. The crowd was large and people actually listened when Dean sang. Some couples even got up and danced in a little open corner of the room. It was amazing how Dean turned this place into something magical on Thursday nights. Tonight it was extra mellow. There was something sweet in the air. Dean’s set was soft and flowing, gentle. _Romantic_ Castiel thought to himself before he could stop it. When did he turn into that guy? But Dean flashed him little smiles all night and Castiel got lost in the rhythm of his hands on the guitar, the rough intensity of his voice as he sang.

“I’ve got one more for you folks tonight. This one goes out to a special someone. You know who you are.” Dean said softly. Lisa gasped as he began to play. This was obviously the song she had asked him to sing.

“Yes, I understand that every life must end, uh-huh  
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, uh-huh  
Oh I'm a lucky man, to count on both hands the ones I love  
Some folks just have one, yeah, others, they've got none  
  
Stay with me...  
Let's just breathe...”

Dean’s eyes never left Castiel, they were glowing with something that Castiel was afraid to name.

“Did I say that I need you?  
Did I say that I want you?  
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see  
No one knows this more than me”

“Oh,” Castiel heard from beside him. Lisa was looking at him with a mixture of jealousy and resignation.

“Oops,” her friend giggled. “Sorry Lisa.”

If they said anything else, Castiel didn’t hear because he was once again totally lost to Dean. Every bone in his body ached to touch Dean, touch every single part of his body, map him out with his tongue. He was falling so hard. No, he realized, he _had_ fallen so hard. It was a done deal. It was a done deal the moment he laid eyes on Dean, even though he didn’t believe in love at first sight- even though he hadn’t really believed in love at all. The set ended to loud applause and Castiel sat at his table too stunned from his revelations to move. Dean packed up and Castiel still didn’t move. Dean came up to him, smile crinkling the corners of his eyes. “Hey, Cas.”

Castiel linked his fingers through Dean’s and said simply “Take me home, Dean.”

“Yeah, okay. Let me get this stuff loaded up into my car and we’ll get out of here.”

“No. Take me home now, Dean.” Castiel’s whole body was vibrating with need, his hand trembled where it clutched Dean’s. Dean looked down at him, understanding dawning in his eyes.

He dragged Castiel over to the counter where Gabe was looking at them with a smirk on his face. His voice was rough and unsteady when he said, “I’m leaving my stuff here tonight. I’ll come pick it up before you open tomorrow.”

“No problem Deano!” Gabe said with a knowing sparkle in his eyes. “And uh, I’ll have Ash here take it back into the office so you can pick it up whenever. I have a feeling you’re not going to want to get up that early in the morning.” He clapped his hand on Ash’s shoulder who grinned cheekily at both of them before saluting at Gabe and heading over to the equipment.

Dean blushed but didn’t bother with a reply, just led Castiel out the door and practically dragged him up the road to his apartment. They barely made it through the door before they were kissing frantically, hands all over each other, breathe coming loud but shallow in the quiet of the apartment. Dean pushed Castiel’s coat off his shoulders, let it drop onto the floor in a tan heap. Castiel did the same with Dean’s coat before pushing his hands up under Dean’s shirt. He used Dean’s distraction to push him quickly over to the couch. Dean dropped down onto the couch when his knees hit the edge and Castiel was on him in seconds, straddling his legs to sit in his lap, pushing his tongue into his mouth greedily.

“God, Cas…I-” Dean looked wrecked already.

“Shh,” Castiel whispered against his lips, “Just let me, Dean. If...if you want to anyway?”

“Yes. Please yes, Cas. Anything.” He didn’t even get it all out before Castiel ground down against him tearing a deep moan out of Dean who pushed back up against him.

“Too. Much. Clothing.” Castiel grumbled, pulling at Dean’s shirt. Dean obligingly lifted his arms and let Castiel pull his t-shirt over his head. He stopped and stared at Dean for a bit. Dean’s chest was flushed pink, sprinkled with freckles, muscles moving gently with every breath. Dean watched him look, hands locked on Castiel’s sides. He suddenly looked shy and uncertain. “So goddamned beautiful,” Castiel said to reassure him. He bit gently at Dean’s neck, laid kisses all along his collar bone and down his sternum before flicking his tongue experimentally against a nipple. Dean arched against him.

“Yes, Cas, please.”

Castiel sucked the nipple into his mouth, rolled his tongue around it carefully, enjoying the way Dean trembled under his touch. His hands were digging into Castiel’s hips so hard they would probably leave bruises in the morning, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was finally getting to touch Dean like this. He moved to the other side, continuing his ministrations as Dean writhed under him muttering a string of mostly incoherent words that seemed to include a lot of “Cas” “god” and “Yes, please, please.”

Dean stilled for a moment when Castiel started unbuttoning his jeans, but he didn’t stop him, just pulled him up for a deep kiss, hands cupping his face. Castiel found himself smiling against Dean’s lips, happy in a way he hadn’t been for a long time. He unzipped Dean’s jeans carefully and tugged them down, Dean lifting his hips to allow him. He moved his hand down and pulled Dean free of his briefs. He heard Dean gasp, but he didn’t even give him time to recover before he slid down on his knees in front of Dean and took him into his mouth. Dean almost shouted, his hands clutching frantically at the couch cushions. The taste of Dean was heady, everything Castiel had imagined and more. He ate him like he was starving for it and Dean started swearing, moved his hands to Castiel’s hair, clutching it in his fingers just enough to sting but not hurt.

It wasn’t long before Castiel felt him tensing up, knew the tell-tell signs of his oncoming orgasm. He didn’t even consider pulling off, just wrapped his lips tight and swallowed it down greedily, licked him clean with long stripes of his tongue until Dean pulled him away and kissed him frantic and messy. “Cas,” he started. He moved his hand down and pressed his palm against Castiel’s aching cock and that’s all it took. Castiel seized up and was coming, wet spot quickly spreading on the thin fabric of his dress pants. “Cas” Dean’s voice was tinged in awe “Did you just…?”

Castiel ducked his head, embarrassed. “I’m sorry.”

“Holy fuck, Cas. That’s…that’s so fucking hot.”

“It is? I thought it was just humiliating.”

“Well you thought wrong. Knowing that sucking me off made you that turned on? Yeah that’s hot, Cas.”

“Oh. I can see what you’re saying.”

Dean laughed. “How do you go from giving me the filthiest blowjob of my life to being the serious little scholar in ten seconds?” He pulled Castiel up against him on the couch again, just held him for a moment. Castiel’s eyes were too heavy to keep open anymore, but he was still half awake when Dean whispered into his hair. “I’m so gone on you, Cas.”

**

Spring bled into summer and Castiel and Dean spent most of their spare moments down by the lake. Dean would bring his guitar and work on new songs while Castiel worked on his book. He had decided a while after meeting Dean and that his novel could use a little romance too. Perhaps the hero of the story- an angel- would meet a human and fall in love. It was something that would have never entered his head a year ago, but now it seemed natural. After all, if he and Dean could fall in love, then an angel and a human falling in love didn’t seem that far-fetched.

Sometimes they would set their work aside and just lie on the blanket side by side, staring up at the clouds. Dean would link his fingers through Castiel’s and they would talk. It was like this that Dean finally told Castiel about his mom dying in a fire when he was young, how he had become both father and brother to Sam in the wake of the tragedy as his dad’s drinking escalated. Castiel in turn told Dean about growing up in a family that was cold and religious. How he’d spent most of his time at a boarding school and with nannies. He told Dean how empty he had felt when they had died in a car accident when he was twenty-five, and that the worst part was that they had been strangers to him, that he hadn’t been able to feel sadder at their death. He didn’t realize he was crying until Dean reached over and wiped a tear off his face, his own eyes glistening as a single tear rolled down his cheek.

They held each other for a long time that day, covering each other in soft touches with the occasional kiss until the sun sank down below the lake and stars started lighting up the sky. Dean took him home and made love to him long and slow and deep until they were both trembling. Their bodies were still pressed together when Dean said “I love you,” for the first time and Castiel said “I love you too, Dean,” and it seemed like the most natural thing in the world.

**

As the years passed, Castiel lost track of how many times he had heard Dean sing, but certain times were forever etched in his memory.

There was the first time Castiel heard Dean sing in front of a sold out crowd. He and Sam stood in the wings and smiled until their cheeks hurt. After the show, Castiel took Dean up to their hotel room and fucked him senseless while saying “So proud of you, Dean. You’re amazing. You’re so gorgeous, I can’t believe you’re mine,” until Dean’s cheeks reddened and he squirmed with discomfort from the compliments, while still begging him not to stop.

There was the time he woke up early in their new house and stumbled downstairs to find Dean sitting amongst the boxes, his hair sticking up at odd angles as he held his guitar against his bare chest and sang. When he saw Castiel, his mouth turned up in a soft smile and Castiel immediately folded himself down to the floor at Dean’s feet, played with the hem of his pants while the notes fell around them. He now thinks that was the moment the house became a home.

Castiel cried when Dean sang at their wedding. It was a song that Dean had written for him and it made Castiel’s heart hurt in the best way possible. They were surrounded by family and friends, but Dean’s eyes never left Castiel’s. Like so many times before, they slipped into a world all their own. Later that night Castiel lay in his husband’s arms, felt the fingers brushing across his flushed skin and thanked whatever powers existed for handing him this gift.

And then there was just this morning, when Castiel had stood quietly in the nursery door while Dean rocked their daughter back and forth singing “hush little baby." Ellianna wrapped his finger up in her fist, gurgling contentedly. Dean didn’t look up to acknowledge Cas, but he started talking to her softly. “You like that, huh? You know, your dad is a sucker for my singing too. Met him at a coffee shop and stole his heart with a song, did you know that?” Ellie reached for his face, rubbed her hand along the morning scruff and chattered back at him as best as she knew how. Dean looked up at Cas then, eyes shining soft and welcoming and Castiel crossed the room to his family while once again, Dean began to sing.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This fic does not have a beta, I have no one but myself to blame for the stylistic and/or grammar errors of which there are many, I am aware.
> 
> Special thanks to Alycia and Dana for reading along and encouraging me.
> 
> Thanks to the lovely Katie for reading this fic as I wrote it and giving me such inspirational comments. She doesn't even ship Destiel but she was effusive in her praise and really made me want to keep writing this. 
> 
> And last but certainly not least, thanks to the beautiful Ara for all her help on the music for this fic. Much like the Cas of this story, my musical education is sadly lacking, so her help was invaluable. Thanks for introducing me to the wonderful Ben Harper and Patty Griffin, along with many other artists that were not used in this fic but greatly inspired me as I wrote.  
> Songs mentioned in the fic that Dean sings are:  
> 1\. "Simple Man" by Lynyrd Skynyrd  
> 2\. "Long Ride Home" by Patty Griffin  
> 3\. "Waiting on an Angel" by Ben Harper  
> 4\. "Just Breathe" by Pearl Jam
> 
> As always, I'm new at this and I would love feedback, so if you can let me know what you thought in the comments that would be awesome. Thanks so much for reading!


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